After four years of pain, tears, and late night study sessions I finally walked across the stage to receive my prize. It was truly a huge win for me because this is just one of the many prizes that is yet to come. Graduation day was very hard for me because I always imagined it being a special moment with my grandfather. The night before I had a dream about my grandpa looking at me dressed in my cap and gown on just telling me how proud he was of me. I cried so much in my sleep that I woke up to a damp pillow and a headache. Graduation day was miserable for me.
I asked my mom to do one thing for me and that was to get me to the ceremony on time because she is late for everything which is why I have a horrible attendance record. My counselor told us to be at the ceremony by 6:15 p.m. because we have to get our stuff and lined up before it starts at 7. My mom didn’t have me there until 6:50 because she didn’t have her clothes out and rushed to get ready when she has been up since 5:00 a.m. I don’t even live with her so she didn’t have to worry about me getting dressed, when she picked me up the only thing that wasn’t done was my makeup and that didn’t even take a long time.
I was so upset and I had to rush to get In the building before my class began to march. I was so focused on getting in the line that I didn’t notice my honors graduation stole was missing. On top of that I couldn’t find my gray forensics graduation cord that my coaches gave me. Each graduate that was on the forensics team received one which was only nine. My frustration and anxiety caught up with me so I cried in front of everyone just before we began to march. People were thinking that they were tears of joy, but they were really tears of pain. I really didn’t stop being angry until I received my diploma. Before I walked out to see my family, I realized that I had to pull myself together for myself and my family. If it wasn’t for my grandma taking me into her home and driving me to school everyday I wouldn’t have never made it across the stage. My mother never pushed me to be a scholar I did it on my own. She would be okay with just passing, I wanted more. I always go above and beyond because my grandparents showed me the light that I have inside myself. My own father didn’t even show up to my ceremony, but that didn’t surprise me.
The next day was my graduation party which was also a disaster. My dad showed up and acted like it was okay to miss his first-born walk across the stage. Then he started making excuses, that only made me even more mad. He said that no one told him or reminded him. The reason why I don’t like talking to my dad is because he makes everything about him. This entire year he hasn’t asked about any senior stuff or ways to get active because HE DOESN’T CARE! He didn’t ask about senior pinning, prom, or trips because HE DOESN’T CARE! I called him plenty of times on the phone to try to remind him about getting a ticket, but he didn’t answer the phone or return my calls, so I said forget it I’m not going to chase down anyone to love me. He didn’t offer to help with my senior dues, class field trips, or my graduation party because HE DOESN’T CARE! If he really cared about being there for me on graduation day he would have called or texted me back to verify the date just like he can write down on the calendar his wife’s birthday and his other kid’s birthday, he could have written my graduation day. But, he didn’t because HE DOESN’T CARE!
It didn’t stop there my mom put the icing on the cake. I went outside to show her the new soccer ball my friend had brought me and she responded with “What are you going to do with that, you don’t play soccer”. I responded by saying “You don’t know what I do, I haven’t lived with you for two years”. After that she just started talking all types of bad things about me at MY PARTY! A party to celebrate an accomplishment. My whole day was ruined and I cried myself to sleep because I couldn’t believe my mother sat in the yard and just said horrible things about me to my family. I was just relieved that my forensics coaches left before it happened. My mom talks about my writing because she doesn’t think I’m a good writer. I know I have a long way to go because I’m not a great writer, but I try. Do you know every time I post a poem her response is “What is it about?” She even talked about me working for taco bell after she dogged me out for not having a job. It’s just sad that being an honor roll student, having a 4.1 gpa, forensics broadcaster, 18-year-old virgin and a hard worker wasn’t worth one day on the calendar and a day to let me be happy.
The next day my mom was supposed to throw a party for me at her house, but I told her that I wasn’t coming because she ruined my graduation day and party. She said that they were going to still have the party without me being there. While I’m at work I received long paragraphs from my mom basically saying I’m stupid, I will regret turning my back on her, and that I’m jealous of her. That last one made me laugh so hard! I’m not jealous of anyone if anything I made our family look better, but I get treated like a disgrace.
It took a lot of strength and energy to write this post, but my reason is to show you how you can do anything. People will hate you, they will envy you, and they want to be you. Look at me, can you believe that someone like me came from parents like those two? I grind because I want to be the opposite of them. I walked across that stage for myself and grandpa, not for anyone’s approval. I’m proud of myself for making it this far and being brave enough to continue.