*Originally written on July 30, 2014
I woke up on my side uncomfortable because my shirt and shorts were damp from MJ’s urine. After he and jalina got out of the bathtub, I took a nice soak. As I washed the scent off of me and cleaned, I began to think. As usual, my mind is always all over the place. I thought a lot about how this new life on the road was going to change everything for me. I’m away from my friends and family, my mother didn’t even let us say our last farewells to the people in Findlay.
If I knew that was going to be the last time I could see my aunt, I would have said more then “We are coming home tomorrow, so see you then”. I wish my mom would have told her, but dealing with my mom I have to find the positive in everything. I thought about how fun it’s going to be visiting different places, after all, I want to be a travel nurse. I can get a little taste of what traveling is like, but I wanted to be a travel nurse because I want to get away from everyone. The not too far way that’s why I would buy houses is different states so that I can have a connection to my family or when they are down they will have somewhere to stay. I wanted to stay away so that I can live my life freely.
I want to get away so that I won’t have to be treated like a mistake. The older I get, the more problem come. So no one can give me problems and I won’t be a problem to no one else. I can’t stand strong when she takes me down. Telling me what I can’t do, how dumb I am, and how I’m just like daddy. When someone says hateful things to me, I have to really show them who I am and how I am none of those things.
Growing up going through the good, bad, and ugly all I want is better. Being poor for so long gets sickening. It makes me want to work even harder to take a different route then what I was around. Yes, I’m going to make mistakes, but I know it’s a glitch to improve myself. Do I want a lavish lifestyle? Not really, all I want is to be comfortable. Having loads of money can be just as rough as having less money. Having money to keep the bills paid and a few things for myself is all I need. I’m trying to build up scholarships so that I won’t have to come out of pocket except for the essentials. I want to have everything steady before I let a man come in my life. I need to get myself together before I think about anyone else.
*I wrote this letter when I was 16 a day after my grandfather died in our home from cancer. I still can’t let him go or cope with the hole in me that makes me want to go crazy, but hopefully this will. Rest In Heaven Grandpa
I miss you so much and I can’t believe you are gone. My life continues to take ups, downs, and leaps, but all I can think about is if you were here. You were the only thing I had close to a father. You were my actual male figure of how I wanted a man to treat me. A lot of things have changed since you left. I can’t say anything to anybody hardly and I’m basically everyone’s punching bag because I also get my feelings hurt over someone else’s emotions. I know is you were here you would be so proud of me. I’m going to college, I got a job, and this year your grand baby will be eighteen years old. It’s so funny how fast I grew up. Next year I will be a senior and I will always dream of you sitting in the auditorium watching me walk across the stage. I’m devastated that you won’t be here in the flesh, but I know you will be with me. I love you.
” Megan get out here!” her mother screamed.
” And what does she want now”. she mumbled.
Megan walks out of the bathroom leaving an awkward aroma behind. She stood before her mother looking into two fiery eyeballs.”Yes, mom”. she answered. “Where did you put my keys?” she asked
“I never touched your keys , why every time you loose something you always think I have something to do with it?”. She asked fiercely and impassionately. “Because it seems like every time you are home, my things come up missing”. her mother said. “Well calm down because every time you loose something, you always find it somewhere stupid,” her daughter said.
” Don’t talk to me like that, stop touching my things!” she said angrily.
“I don’t touch your things, your twenty-nine be responsible!”. Megan hollered.
Megan’s mom picked up a heavy gray vase and smashed it on the skull of her daughter. She fell to the ground and her mother fell to her knees. “What have I done!” she screamed.”Megan!”
Written by: Arganise Campbell-Nash